I’m White, So I Like Stuff White People Like
By now you must know about the latest blog to go from 1 to 75 jagillion readers in just two months: Stuff White People Like. If you don’t know about it, you must not be white, because if you are white you spend 57% of your time each day making sure you are keeping up with all the blogs your other white friends are reading. So you have something to talk about at the Starbucks or Whole Foods.
Wearing my “yes, I am very, very white” colors (so to speak), I decided to collect here my favorite White People quotables from the site.
“White people love ethnic diversity, but only as it relates to restaurants.”
“The woman is a ‘local herb merchant.’ Everything about that description is white.”
“I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run.”
“If a white person shows up in your country, you can make them feel fantastic by saying how you’ve never seen a white person before, and that you are amazed by their iPod - ‘a device that plays many songs? impossible!’ They might give it to you, then you can sell it for profit. Repeat as necessary.”
“White people prefer triathlons (over marathons) because Kenyans can’t afford $10,000 specialty bicycles.”
“The number one reason why white people like not having a TV is so that they can tell you that they don’t have a TV.”
“It is important that white people are reminded of their creativity, and remember you need a Mac to creatively check email, creatively check websites, and creatively watch DVDs on planes.”
“Knowledge of Apple products can be useful in a number of social situations. If you see a white person with a Mac, an easy way to approach them is to say “Is that a Powerbook? What OS do you have?†They will happily start talking to you, after the requisite five minutes, you can invite them to an 80s night.”
“To a white person, being a fan of a band before they get popular is one of the most important things they can do with their life. They can hold it over their friends forever!”
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March 19th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I just spent about half an hour reading posts out loud to Mike while he cooked dinner (Boca Burgers - something we white people like). Many of these posts are spot on and truly hillarious.
March 19th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I’d thought about printing out the page that lists all the post titles and circling the ones that apply to me. Might be a painful exercise!
March 20th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Yo, check this out: black guys drive a car like this.
Do, do, ch. Do-be-do, do-be-do-be-do.
Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this.
Dee-da-dee, a-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee.
Homer: Ah ha ha, it’s true, it’s true! We’re so lame!
I suppose quoting simpsons is something else white folk like to do
March 20th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Quoting Simpsons is indeed very white.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
It would be very white of me to say that I also found the site amusing, however I found the site back when it was just two weeks old. Bragging about liking a blog site about white people before other white people knew about it is very much like a white person like me. If you’ll excuse me, I’m finishing up my scrapbook from my time studying abroad in Tanzania.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
So discovering a trendy blog before it becomes popular is to a white person like unto the importance of “discovering” a trendy Indie band before they become popular.