Trueman on Reformed Church Culture and Women
From the Reformation21 blog (May 4, 2007), by Westminster Theological Seminary Professor of Historical Theology and Church History and Dean of Faculty Dr. Carl Trueman:
Phil’s blog got me thinking about the whole issue of women in Reformed and conservative evangelical circles in general. On the whole, I don’t think the church provides the kind of environment that helps. Two examples: in Britain, certain denominations don’t pay their ministers a proper living wage (though this is often due to sheer economic hardship, not miserly giving); yet those same denominations, in my experience, have a culture which heavily criticises the minister’s wife for then going out to work to make ends meet. Result: ministerial bitterness and burn-out; women who feel guilty either that they bring in no money, or that they do and are thus not proper pastor’s wives.
In the US (and it is the US — I have not seen this so much in the UK) , I have lost count of the number of women I have come across, particularly in presbyterian circles, who feel the need to conform to some Reformed cultural norm. You can tell them on the Sundays: the exhausted and haggard mothers whose husbands expect them not only to cook and to clean, but also to home-school the kids. For every omnicompetent wife who seems to be able to run the world and then some, and still look like a million dollars when hubbie gets home for dinner (already on the table, of course), there are ten or more who look crushed and dispirited, who really need to send their kids out of the house in the morning so they can get some rest and some mental sanity, who need their husbands to see the problem and take steps to help them. Are they inadequate as Christian mothers? No. They are crushed by a “Christian” culture that demands their all and gives no slack.
I am no feminist (my wife will confirm my impeccable Neanderthal credentials); I have strong views on women’s ordination; but I am saddened by the way Reformed church culture so often tramples its women underfoot with its mindless identification of biblical manhood with something akin to John Wayne and its assumption that all Christian women should make Mary Poppins look domestically incompetent.
I applaud Dr. Trueman for his courage to speak out on this issue. I respect his observation all the more knowing that he holds strict views on gender in ordination, yet he is able to take an honest look at the culture one too often finds in churches that share that view.
As someone with perhaps broader experience in American evangelicalism than Dr. Trueman, I can add that this is not a problem confined to conservative Presbyterians. In my opinion, the trend that Dr. Trueman observes points out what happens when complementarian teachings are overemphasized to a point where they, however unintentionally, become support for a general misogynistic culture within a church.
One might hope that one of Dr. Trueman’s Ref21 colleagues will read his post and ponder his own contributions to that culture.
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May 7th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Thanks for noticing Trueman’s post and mentioning here, where you allow comments!
1) I agree that this phenomenon exists. There are women crushed by high expectations
2) Is it true that it is of this great a magnitude? 10 out of 11 wives are crushed and dispirited? and 1 of 11 is Wonder Woman? No middle? Clearly Trueman is exaggerating for effect. There is probably a broad middle where women feel crushed some of the time, and at other times feel perfectly adequate. Many women with the appearance of Wonder Woman are probably hiding it well
3) Trueman blames “Christian” culture, and the reformed cultural norm. He implies it involves the fault of what “husbands expect”. This is where I have the greatest difficulty, though I suppose there is certainly something there.
This is more than a churchly phenomenon. The “mommy wars” are all over the place. Women versus other women seem to be one of the main areas in which the battles are joined. A woman writes an article about having play-dates while enjoying a glass of wine with other mothers, and she gets a huge number of responses castigating her for her irresponsibility. Women who put their kids in day care feel “burdened” by the disapproving eyes of the women who stay at home and seek all kinds of justifications for why daycare is “good”. Women who stay home feel “burdened” by the disapproving eyes of the women who go out in the world and bring in additional income.
Assume for the sake of argument that Sabbath keeping is optional. What if 50% of the people in a church do it, and 50% don’t. (or 60/40, or 80/20) The “cultural pressure” of each half on the other half will be enormous. Wanna come over and watch the game with us after the service? No sorry, remember, I’m keeping the sabbath. (which, because there seems to be a biblical origin for it, seems like the inherently more ‘pious’ choice). Does the sabbath keeping family feel “burdened” by the other half? probably. but WHAT CAN BE DONE? Either actually say one thing or the other is mandatory, or realize that noone can be held accountable for the way a “culture” operates.
I’ve lost count of the number of times my wife has felt guilt-ridden that she’s not meeting an expectation of mine that I have 1) never expressed 2) expressed the opposite interest. We deal with it. Clearly it would be verboten for me to generalize from my personal experience to that of other women. Not every feeling of unmeetable expectations on the part of those feeling that way is necessarily justified.
Tenth pres has a Sun School class on parenting. Last week the topic was school choices (public, Christian, and homeschool). They had a panel discussion with parents involved in each kind of option. the moderator wisely began the discussion saying there “was no biblical method” for schooling, but that the discussion would be presenting how they arrived at their choices. That’s a great thing in one sense, but in another sense it undermines the Christian/Homeschool position from the get-go. If you don’t have much of a biblical principle or priority behind such a choice WHAT ARE YOU BOTHERING for? And if you do, and you ever express it to someone else (an inquirer, interested in
“I’m having a big family because the bible says children are a blessing” “Wow, I guess I suck as a Christian because the thought scares me”
“I’m keeping sabbath because its focussed our family on God and given us time for him and each other” “Wow, I guess I suck as a Christian because I like Sunday football”
“My wife’s keeping house because we think kids do best with a parent” “Wow, I guess I suck as a Christian because I’m put my kids in daycare”
“I signed up for the homeless dinner because the bible says that we need to give justice for the poor” “Wow, I guess I suck as a Christian because I get really uncomfortable around homeless people”
Does the sucky Christian have the other guy to blame for his feelings in these cases? How can Christians every support or bear one another’s burdens, when discussing the burdens of one group of Christians ends up making the other Christians feel burdened?
hat’s about all I can put down coherently for now. Hopefully, a thread on this might develop, as I’m interested in what others think.
May 7th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
I’m a big guy. 6′2″. There was a girl (slight, but not extremely) from singapore in my IV group in college. One day I came in wearing sandals. She said to me she thought the sandals made me less frightening looking.
o_O
Apparently, because I’m so big, I was very intimidating to her. (This was in a context where I actually wasn’t interacting with her much beyond pleasantries, etc) Wearing sandals made me look more “humble” or something, and she thought that was helpful.
There seemed to be overtones of it being my fault that I was so “intimidating” to her. Maybe that was just my perception. Either way, the incident illustrates how people can have very mistaken impressions of what someone else thinks of them. Her fear of large people wasn’t the fault of a culture of big people.
May 7th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Pduggie,
I hear what your saying…
How bout one more…since the majority of birth control is abortive why are there so many childless or 2.5 kid families in the church? Hmm…? Com’on I know every body who is married out there is not into natural family planning. Wanting no children is selfish and indicates HUGE heart problems.(Gasp… you better not be teaching or in a position of leadership with that attitude) So there ya go.Stay at home moms,BIG families 6-10 kids should be the norm for complimentarian’s..if you follow it logically there’s your answer. So husbands…hire nannys right? Sacrifice and make more money. Step up to the plate! Thats your lot in life if married. Its sacrifice and exhaustion is part of the deal.
I’m playing the devil’s advocate… maybe. Sometimes I think the whole Vision Forum approach is to cultish and elitish… next thing we’ll be cloistering off like the Amish.
I don’t remember having all this difficulty back in the 1980’s in my christian community. what happened?
May 7th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
I think there is a difference between saying there is no biblical method for schooling and saying there are no biblical principles. The problem with so many of these issues is a desire to find rules when the bible calls for wisdom. There are indeed biblical rules, but perhaps a lot fewer than some claim or desire to find. If we can accept this, we can both share and receive principled explanations as helpful advice without carving them into stone as normative.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
“If we can accept this, we can both share and receive principled explanations as helpful advice without carving them into stone as normative.”
Thats ideal, but Trueman’s complaint and the way things work in practice is that the existence of the principled explanation will affect people in ways that creates a culture that gives more support to a position that fits the prudential bias of the community. And then that culture is seen as an oppressive structure, and actually can be.
May 9th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Mark,
Thanks for bringing this post to my attention. I too applaud Dr. Trueman for speaking to these issues. We often encounter negative comments regarding our choice not to home school and to have our daughter in a private day school. Thankfully, my husband only encourages me to strive to live and be what I am in Christ (and not to conform to some as Trueman puts it “Reformed cultural norm”–I suppose a philosopher wife kind of breaks that “norm” anyway ).
Cheers,
Cynthia
May 13th, 2007 at 12:24 am
here are some more thougts on trueman’s post. Still think CTs bit was at least properly provocative
http://buriedtreasurebooks.com/weblog/?p=1919
Can anyone help me see the benfircial quality of this satire from Trueman’s alter ego self-argument?
http://www.reformation21.org/Reformation_21_Blog/Reformation_21_Blog/58/pm__114/vobId__5971/
May 13th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Thank you, all, for this discussion. There are at least two themes here that I’d like to pursue further on this blog over the summer to stimulate further discussions:
1) the place (if any!) of satire in writing by Christians and
2) the unintended affects of our ‘biblical principles’
Both of these have been raised in this comment thread, and several of you (pduggie foremost) have given me much to ponder.