When to Kill a Heretic
HT to gullchasedship for this joke with a barb in it: (Note: this version used British denominational references. Fill in your own favorites from your own tradition. It will probably work just as well.)
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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?” he said.
I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!”
He said, “Like what?”
I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?”
He said, “Religious.”
I said, “Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?”
He said, “Christian.”
I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?”
He said, “Baptist!”
I said, “Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
He said, “Baptist Church of God!”
I said, “Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!”
I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”
He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!”
I said, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off.

January 15th, 2006 at 9:47 am
wasn’t this an Emmo Phillips joke in the early 90s?
January 15th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
priceless.
January 15th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Glenn…it would never surprise me that you are more culturally astute than I. Who was Emmo Phillips?
January 15th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
Mark: Emo Phillips.
January 15th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Yeah, I coulda Wikipediaed too…but I wanted to give Glenn a chance to show off.
January 16th, 2006 at 10:42 am
I only pulled that for two reasons: 1) to get the spelling right and 2) posting Wikipedia links is one of my spiritual gifts, apparently.
January 16th, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Geof, you are Wiki-d. Nice gift. Mine is finding facial resemblances. Those who have the gift love it when I point out similarities and those who don’t have the gift think I’m crazy. Methinks your gift is more useful.
January 17th, 2006 at 8:14 am
I love this joke. I used it recently at a college event I spoke at, and it went over quite well.